You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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