You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
