Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
