I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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