he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
