i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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