It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
