yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
