So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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