oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
