we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
