uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
