I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
