hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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