Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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