you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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