She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
