an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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