i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
