Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
