is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
