you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
