My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
