Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
