I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
