i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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