Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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