I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
