I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
