I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
