Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
