i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wish my penis had a tongue
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
