You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
