Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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