in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
