So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
