if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, beer. Big fan.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
