i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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