my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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