Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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