Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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