So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
