Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My ass is underappreciated
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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