Just mADE A PArabola og urine
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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