She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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