I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
