her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
