everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
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Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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