I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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