life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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