I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
