you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
