get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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