I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
