yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
