Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
