Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
