; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
