Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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