I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
