our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm passing your future prison.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
