puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
