Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
