and you said cock pushups were impossible
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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