"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
