I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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